Poetry: Ants

I hate the people around you, 

As if your soul is finite 

And they are taking up more than their fair share. 

And if your soul is finite 

Then someone owes me $5, 

And I can put this guilt to rest. 

I once snuck out my window and stood there, 

In the wet leaves and nighttime mist 

Just to see my room from the outside. 

I realized we are all goldfish 

And bit my nails out of embarrassment.

Today in the car 

A beautiful boy who is not you 

Asked me why I had a stress ball in my center console, 

And it took me ten minutes to say “dissociation.” 

I wish I’d just kissed him. 

And sometimes there are so many people in my house 

That I sit in the bathroom and 

Do not scream 

(there’s someone outside the door)

And even when they finally leave 

I can feel their warmth 

Indented onto my couch. 

I am tired of you being too tired, 

But when you are tired, you go to sleep 

And when I am tired, I bite my nails 

Out of embarrassment for being tired. 

This is the story of a fine line, 

And I’m watching the ants 

struggle to balance.